Thinking Chinese
By Zen Garcia

Laid up shattered on hospital bed
baffled by current circumstance
no answer TV for comfort/friend
Disorientation
I came to in I.C.U.
senses reeling
feeling extreme temperatures
3 times flat-line
asphixiation
pneumonia clogged breathing
Weeks gone
can't even recall screws
drilled into my skull
stabilizing the halo
aligning my neck
Doctors backed by Emory degrees
visited me making rounds
running morning routines
With sharp callous words
they condemned me
to never walk again
saying this was how it was going to be
Paralysis living with disability
dependent on monster wheelchair
aid dressing bathing
using bathroom
As quick as they came
they walked out
leaving me racked in pain
wishing for a hole to hide
where nobody could touch me
or see me
where all the noise and drama
would just disappear
They think they know disability
because of expensive degrees
years of college experience
I wanted a hammer to crush their skulls
shatter their spines
this is paralysis no walking out
They say I'm depressed
well damn it man
I just broke my fricken neck
what do you expect
Get out and leave me alone
your books can't explain what I'm going through
don't feed me your intellectual opinion
or professional revelation
Go charge your 150 bucks an hour to Medicaid
but please spare me the lame explanations
I'm screaming inside
scared out of my wits
unsure what next to do
what can I do
Turn off the light as you go
and shut the door
since I can't run away
Get up get up I say
but my body won't listen
leaving me stranded in bed alone
having pissed on myself
as if I'm thinking Chinese

Zen Garcia - writer, poet, fencer... I have been a quadraplegic for 8 years, first hurt in California when our van lost its brakes and plunged off a cliff 85 feet. I have been writing 15 years and have published 2 books, Look Somewhere Different and When The Evening Dies...