As patient as...
By Katie Hodge

As patient as old-age,
I will wait.
As the rising of a new day,
I am dependable.
As determined as water running downstream,
You will never escape me,
You will never rid of me.
Until you look me square in the eye
And stare me down,
I will wait.

I watch you try and claw your way out…
Blood and torn skin beneath your fingernails.
With your screams of rage, you invite me in
Only to try and tuck me beneath the mattress again.

I have felt the numbing you have invoked.
I see you call upon any noise to drown me out.
I try and reason with you, ‘just pick up a pen, and I’ll be able to reach you’.
But you don’t listen.
You can’t hear me through all that noise, through the fog you keep inviting.

I can promise you this: you will wake up tomorrow.
And yes, this really is happening.
No, you did nothing wrong. You never did.
You are perfect.

I am unkind. I show no mercy.
I will destroy you from in here if you don’t do business with me.
I am dependable.
I will teach you lessons you never wanted to learn.
I am tolerant.
I will endure the years better than you.
I am your new unwelcome friend in whom you will come to find comfort.
You cannot uninvite me, for I am more patient than you.

I am your grief,
I am your sorrow,
I am your river of tears and a million whys.
We will come to know each other well.
I may be predictable at first, but I will keep you on your feet…or on your knees.

One day, far off in the distance, you will have created a thick scab over your wound that is now still fresh.
Something may bump it or you might begin to pick at it from time to time.
And it may bleed again; maybe just a drop or two, or maybe a river will drown you.
It will heal again. I promise.
Eventually you will have a scar that doesn’t bleed anymore.
But it will itch sometimes, just to remind you that it’s there.

It is not possible for you to forget what has introduced us.

It is a matter of time.
Time; that man-made equation that gets you from here to there,
even though ‘there’ does not exist.



In memory of C. Blake Cash
September 12, 1998 to February 18, 2000


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