Mothers/Fathers Days > Real Meaning of Mothers Day
By Kara L.C. Jones
"... let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead..."
~Julia Ward Howe, Boston, 1870
Article orginially posted 2005
Mothers Day certainly stinks if your child is dead. In fact all holidays usually stink, but especially Mothers and Fathers Days which seem to be just made-up, hallmark-driven, commercial entities -- those especially stink. I never had the energy to delve further than hallmark to learn about Mothers Day, never knew where it came from, nor why it is still celebrated with no sense of the tradition being mentioned.
Well, this year, to my surprise, I got a history lesson. A group of women on our small island decided that they didn't want to celebrate and contribute to the capitalistic hallmark economy this year. They wanted to protest against violence. They wanted to express their maternal feelings for ALL children of any race, nationality, religion, gender, alive or dead. And they wanted to honor the power of that expression. So here in our little piece (peace) of earth, there was a parade, a small festival-atmosphere gathering at Ober Park lawn and playground. And they were spreading the ORIGINAL MEANING OF MOTHERS DAY AS JULIA WARD HOWE WROTE ABOUT IT AND ORIGINALLY VISIONED IT!!!!!!
What???? When they told me about this endeavor, I was so intrigued that Mothers Day had a real and meaningful history. I still was not able to bring myself to march with them and celebrate with all their beautiful, living children playing while I was smarting at the heart, grieving my dead son and my motherhood lost. BUT I had a much greater appreciation for Mothers Day, for history, for taking a stand against violence and war to save the world's children. And here's why:
In 1870, Julia Ward Howe wrote and published a protest against the carnage and violence that had taken place during the Civil War and was to come in future wars -- this was a protest led by WOMEN WHO HAD LOST THEIR SONS!!!!! It was bereaved mothers who started this!!!! Hallmark is WAY OFF the mark with the way this holiday is commercialized and propagated now, BUT in the beginning, this was a day of protest, an expression of horrified grief from bereaved mothers who were parted from their sons!! Wow. Okay. That's a different spin.
So what did Julia have to say back in 1870? You read and see for yourself:
Arise, then, women of this day! Arise all women who have hearts, whether our baptism be that of water or of fears!
Say firmly: "We will not have great questions decided by irrelevant agencies. Our husbands shall not come to us, reeking with carnage, for caresses and applause. Our sons shall not be taken from us to unlearn all that we have been able to teach them of charity, mercy and patience.
We women of one country will be too tender of those of another country to allow our sons to be trained to injure theirs. From the bosom of the devastated earth a voice goes up with our own. It says "Disarm, Disarm! The sword of murder is not the balance of justice."
Blood does not wipe our dishonor nor violence indicate possession. As men have often forsaken the plow and the anvil at the summons of war, let women now leave all that may be left of home for a great and earnest day of counsel. Let them meet first, as women, to bewail and commemorate the dead.
Let them then solemnly take counsel with each other as to the means whereby the great human family can live in peace, each bearing after their own time the sacred impress, not of Caesar, but of God.
In the name of womanhood and of humanity, I earnestly ask that a general congress of women without limit of nationality may be appointed and held at some place deemed most convenient and at the earliest period consistent with its objects, to promote the alliance of the different nationalities, the amicable settlement of international questions, the great and general interests of peace.
Julia Ward Howe
Boston
1870
HELLO!!!!???????? Mothers Day came as an answer to Julia's proclamation. It started as a ceremony of bereavement and then as a movement for peace and action to stop the senseless deaths of children everywhere. Our society can commercialize all they want. Because in my heart of hearts I know the real meaning of this day came from pain, loss, and grief -- the same things I feel on any given Mothers Day. And from now on, when people urge me to celebrate the day, I will tell them this:
I'll celebrate with you as long as you will first mourn with me. It is the combination of the two that lends itself to the true meaning of Mothers Day!
ADDENDUM added 2012
Thank you all for the emails and messages. Yes, I do realize there is some lineage also attributed to the Jarvis family for the founding of Mother's Day as well. I think we can all agree that Howe and Jarvis (mother) were working toward the same ends after the Civil War and leave it at that. If you happen to know documented lineage the goes farther back, by all means send me links and I will add here.
I do also know about International Bereaved Mothers Day (IBMD) that was founded in 2010 and happens on the first Sunday of May, also. I have nothing but the highest respect for Carly who founded it and anyone who wishes to celebrate that day, too. In Carly's own words, IBMD is "an act of noise" for raising awareness and changing the focus of Mother's Day proper, so really, ultimately we are all working toward the same ends. I think we can all agree on that.
All that said, please understand, that just for me personally, a separate but equal day created for bereaved mothers is not the solution. Segregation will never be an answer for me because Mother's Day proper belongs to ALL mothers already. The day was found by, for, about ALL mothers wanting to keep ALL their children safe. This day IS already for bereaved mothers and mothers with living children, too. There is no reason to let Mother's Day proper be co-opted. For me, this is simply a matter of activisim and the call of my own heart to my own truth.
It was never my intention to be obnoxious, dismissive, or cause drama with my own art or this article. Just as you are free to honor whatever you like in your truth, please respect that I am honoring my truth. If anyone else has messages of kindness or contribution they'd like to add to this, please be in touch with me, of course. Thank you.
About
the Authors
Kara is bereaved mom to Dakota and Mizuko as well as co-founder of KotaPress. She is currently Grief & Creativity Coach at MotherHenna.com.
<<BACK
