Poetry A - L > Begeny, Debbie
By Debbie Begeny
5/21/05
I hate the dark.
I lay there
and remember everything about you.
Your essence is all around me
but
you are gone!
Memories do not sustain me as
I close my eyes
and try to remember
how it felt
to hold you.
While others slumber
I am trying to think
of reasons to live without you
but
they never come.
The best part of me died with you
so
I will try and remember happy...
alone in the dark.
6-29-05
I don't know how to stop it
the sceaming inside my head.
I sit and talk to people
and the screaming goes on
I try to sleep
but the screaming prevents any rest
It is the sound that echos
the unfathomable horror
I struggle to live with each day.
12-03-05
I smile
I laugh
I interact
I function
I inspire
I'm productive
I'm funny
I'm brave
I'm bearing up
It's a lie
It's a facade
It's too hard
It's not worth the effort
It's killing me inside.
12-14-06
without my knowledge
the monster came,
krept inside you
and took control
without my understanding
this demon within
changed you forever,
then
took you away
wihtout my acceptance
you are still gone
banished to a place
where I cannot find you
without my permission
the days move on,
one after another...
towards a future
I do not want.
Author Biography
Debbie is mother to Heather and founder and Executive Director of Feather Weight Inc. created after Heather's death due to eating disorder. She sent along this information with her poems:
On March 9, 2003, my 22 year old daughter Heather(my only child) died from complications of anorexia... Many people urged me to "journal" [after Heather's death], and I tried, but it wasn't for me---then on a late May evening in 2005, I wrote a poem--and have been writing them ever since.
Another thing I have done is start a non profit organization for eating disorder awareness in my community:
www.featherweightinc.com
www.myspace.com/featherweightinc.
everyBODY's beautiful
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