Coaching after Loss
The loss of a child is an extremely isolating experience. You become depressed, full of despair, insecure, and worst of all, you feel guilty. The guilt may come from not being able to save your child, or because you feel partially responsible. When my husband and I lost our first son we felt all of those emotions, and we didn't know what to do next.
We arrived at the hospital to pick up our angel's keepsake box. We looked at the pictures, and clothing, and our hearts crumbled. When we got home that afternoon, we knew everything in our lives would be different now. Pain was present in every room of our home, and the stress almost ripped our marriage apart. Instead of reaching toward one another, we like so many other couples, looked outside our home for support. We talked to friends and family. They provided as much support as they could, but there was something missing. I no longer felt whole. I just kept remembering the funeral, and the tiny blue box that contained my son. I wanted to open the box, and hold Little Adam again, but I knew my time with him was over. Two weeks later Christmas came, but not to our home. The pain was taking over, and I knew we both needed help, but what kind?
The keepsake box also contained literature for various support groups, counselors and therapists. I didn't feel like I needed therapy, and I wasn't ready to talk with a group of strangers about my pain! What I wanted was for someone to tell me the pain would go away, and I would be okay. In fact, unrealistically, I wanted them to tell me when the pain would be gone, and when I could start living again. Wasn't there an exercise I could do or an article I could read that would give me some answers? No, there wasn't. The answers were only inside of me. I had to decide when I was ready to release the pain and anguish. I had to decide when I would move forward. However, I didn't know. I didn't know how to get to that level on my own, I needed someone to help me – to coach me through it.
I prayed voraciously looking for answers. The Bible became my only reference manual. I found real freedom in telling my story, and trying to help other mothers. Many of the mothers I spoke to had gone through something similar, and were battling with the decision to conceive again. That's when I decided to do something different with my life. It's amazing how your children can bring so much focus to your life. My first son helped me understand my path, and how I can make a difference in other peoples' lives. He died four years, one month ago, in December. It's taken me that long to figure out my purpose, but I now know, it is to be a Life Coach, helping others put the pain behind them.
Most people are unaware of what Life Coaching is, and don't know what purpose a Life Coach serves. A Life Coach is someone who looks at your present life, without bias, and then challenges you to become the person you want to be. The focus is not on your past. Yes, healing is necessary, and grieving is an important part of the process, but let's begin working on the situations you have control over.
For instance, what things in your life are you tolerating? What are the things in your life that you are neglecting? Is it your feelings? Is it your free time? Are you taking time to take care of, or pamper yourself? Are you replenishing yourself internally by improving your relationship with your higher power? When is the last time you did something to indulge yourself? If the answers to these questions are not positive ones, then ask yourself why.
A coach can help you answer these questions, and work with you to develop a new plan for your life. We will look at your strengths, and where your passion lies. Once you start living the way you were meant to, change is inevitable. My question for you is, are you ready to embrace change? If so, it sounds like you're ready to take the next step. Congratulations on getting to this point! Do not look back!
Akili Worthy is a Life Coach specializing in working with women or couples, struggling with infertility, and/or pregnancy or infant loss. If you have any questions please contact her at 614-596-0910 or via email at firstname.lastname@example.org.