Grief Journey Q & A, Pt. XIII
Compiled by Kota Discussion Group

In Honor and Loving Memory of Our Children

Editor's Intro:
The creator of this Grief Journey Q & A was Stephanie Marrotek; the current coordinators are a mix of participants who post questions once a day or week or month and invite all members of our online discussion & support group to post answers. Some answer only to the group, some members have elected to share their insights in a more public way through this column as well. Our hope is that you will find some spark of inspiration or comfort or help here. These words are not offered as prescription for the ways we "should" handle grief. These are just insights into how others are managing day by day after the death of a child.

The Q & A

Question: This month's questions were about dreams and nightmares. The narratives of participants' answers are below, and these were the original prompt questions:
1) Have you or someone you love had a dream or dreams about your child who has died?  Please feel free to share the dream(s) in as much or as little detail as you'd like. 
2) Were the dreams more like nightmares?  If so, how did you/do you handle those?
3) Did the dreams seem helpful in some way?  If so, how?  If not, why not? 

Stephanie: My friend from College, Tara's, Daughter. Had a dream shortly after her grandma died, that her grandma was in heaven holding Amanda Joy, rocking her in a rocking chair. Hearing it, somehow comforted me, to think that my daughter was being cared for by a grandma was neat.

Nisa: The only time I've ever dreamed of Adam after we lost him was 2 days after I would have conceived our 2nd dd. I don't remember if I've talked about it here - I probably have in some capacity. I was sleeping when I heard someone calling me out to me - "Mommy! Mommy!" I stirred and sat up in bed, thought I saw my oldest dd in the doorway, but she's never called out to me like that without coming up to me or staying in her room. She just waited there even though I told her to come into bed with us. She didn't budge so I lay back down and I figured it was all a dream BUT the rest of the weekend I felt unnerved by it as if there were more. And I remember feeling like the child in the doorway was a boy, not a girl. Two days later, it happened again and then I knew - I just knew - it was Adam and I was pregnant. Then a week and a half later, we found out we were expecting again.

My oldest wishes Adam would visit her in her dreams, but he hasn't yet.

Kara: There was one dream for me -- I had the dream -- of Kota and me riding a bus together... he was old enough to stand on the seat next to me, looking out the window -- and the bus bumped and I wrapped my arm around to protect him and he giggled and his head sort of bumped up against my chin and I could smell him!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I could smell that little kid smell on the top of his head, in his hair. And for some reason, I felt much better for days after that...

Kahlilia: Last night my god-daughter Breanna who is 7 years old called me. She first told me she missed me and asked me how I was feeling as she usually does. And when I told her that I was doing alright she said " I know how MIRA MIRACLE is doing too." I asked her how she was doing and she told me she is happy but still a little sad because she misses her Mommy and her god-sister (Breanna). She said "You know how I know that?" I'm not sure how I was able to still speak but I asked her how anyway. She told me that my daughter came to her in her dreams and told her this. She wanted her to tell me she is safe from harm and well. I thanked her for telling me and told her I love her very much.

For those of you who do not know, I did not see my god-daughter for 9 months after MIRA died. I had been looking forward to having both of my girls every weekend after her birth since I already had Breanna at least that much. I could not bear to have just her for that long. You can read the poem I wrote about it here

This is not the first time Breanna has had contact with those loved but no longer here. She never really knew her grandfather before he passed away. She was much younger but consistently told us that her Pop Pop Joe told her he would protect her in her dreams. When things like this come from an innocent child what choice do you have but to believe her???

Andrea: I can remember a few [dreams] that I've had:

A little less then a month after Sierra died I have a dream of an image of her face, it was SO vivid and clear. That was always something I wished for, to know what she would look like. She had dark hair, dark eyebrows, my husbands big beautiful eyes with long eyelashes and his round face. She looked SO much like me when I was a

Another dream I had was my holding Sierra and rocking her back and forth ( standing up) this was in a cloudy background.

Another one, this was more of a vision upon waking, yet not completely awake. It was a pink heart floating next to a cradle with a baby boy in the cradle.(again in a clouded background) I KNEW the pink heart represented Sierra, and I'm not sure what was meant by the baby boy.

And one more vision upon waking, it was me holding sierra and she was alive, she was so precious and beautiful, once again she had dark hair,a little cap on and was squinching her face like little babies do.

I know I had a few bad dreams, but they have left my memory.

The dreams were helpful because they brought me some comfort but along with the comfort came pain and tears, missing my baby girl...


We'll have more Q & A next month...

About the Kota Discussion Group
This is a discussion and support group held online thru the free services of Yahoo Groups. Stephanie Marrotek is the host of the Grief Journey Q & A. The full group is moderated by the staff of KotaPress. The answers given in this Q & A were offered by the generous hearts of the members of our online group. We cannot thank you enough for your candor and honesty.

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