by
Nancy & Peter Grayson
what his handwriting
would be like, right
or left handed?
Now is when I had expected
to home school, our son
Joel. Learning together
during the day, filling
Dad in on the real important
stuff each night at dinner.
We would visit fish hatcheries,
plant sunflower seeds,
and hear the delight
in his voice the
first time his little feet
would run in the ocean
surf ! Laughing together when
his face would be
curled up at sour
lemonade, giggling at slurping
a milk shake, and do you
think he would like
brussel spouts?
What I miss the most is
his blue eyes sparkling
when he felt our love for
him. And his tiny warm
fingers holding mine. How
can I pick a favorite memory
or is it a wonderment?
Why would I stop dreaming
these scenes of what life
should be like? Would the
pain be any less? How
can I not think of him
and how life would be if Joel
had not died at six weeks
old.
about many things
surrounding my thoughts
of our child.
His name is Joel - not
his name was Joel.
His name will forever be
Joel - just like me being
his mom - that's forever
too. These facts help me
with missing our son -
I repeat them in my head
and often express the facts
out loud to those that
consider I no longer have
a mother/child relationship
since my son is dead. Nothing
could be further from the
reality of my life. I do
have a relationship and
no, it's not what I had
imagined or planned on.
However, not even death
could take my son from
me - nothing can. I am
Joel's mom.
how anyone
can tuck away a person
they love because
that person died?
It's what my side of the
family insist I do. Stop
grieving now, please. Instead,
I tucked them away and
kept Joel. That's really for
the 'best'.
how to live a
good life without our child.
Some days it is do-able, some
days not at all.
Wonderment is a
beautiful gift, as imagination
and love is.
and imagine
until the day I hold Joel
again.
Happy 5th Birthday Joel
- love from Mom & Dad
In memory of Joel Albert
Grayson, August 27
- October 8, 1999
and miscarried babies,
Drew and Jess.
Nancy & Peter Grayson
are MISS volunteer facilitators
in Boise, Idaho |