Discussion on Kota's Yahoo Group
by Kara L.C. Jones

On our Kota Yahoo Group, we host an extended safe-space from this site, a place to share and discuss, one bereaved parent to another. We are a small group (under 30 members), and the group is "moderated" by me (Kara) and my husband Hawk. Any bereaved parent is welcome to join and free to post as they wish. We keep the group "moderated" only to maintain it as a safe space. If any odd posts or members show up, I will bounce them. There will be no pathologizing of grief, there will be no judgement, there will be no "my grief is better than yours" kind of game. This is a space for discussion. Just open space to talk and share what we cannot share with others in our lives for one reason or another.

An example of what I mean, is this: After you have a child die, it is very hard to deal with newly pregnant women who still have that "innocent" part of them that plans nurseries and baby showers. You cannot go to that pregnant woman and lay your fears or cynicism on her, right? So what do you do with all your thoughts and frustrations about that? You talk to other bereaved parents who totally understand. At least in my experience in this group, they understood me when I said that my reaction to a pregnant woman who has had a child die previously, is *completely different* than my reaction to a first-time pregnant woman who dares to plan and have baby showers!

So I'd like to invite you to surf over and join the group if you, too, would like a space to safely chat and admit all the facets of grief and grace in your life. Please send us all an introduction message after your membership is approved. It's good to get to know folks when they join. And I'm sure you'll quickly hear back from the rest of us as we welcome you and introduce ourselves, too.

See you there!

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Wanted to make a bit of an update here, too, about other "safe space" groups we know of where they are dealing with more specific issues of loss. Our Kota Yahoo Group is a general sort of loss support. But for members who are trying to conceive after a loss, Stephanie has set up another group called Path of Hope.

And for those who have permanently lost the ability to try again, who are finding that adoption is not an answer because it is outside of what they can afford, we have started a moderated board over at the MISS Foundation site for addressing issues of Permanent Infertility.

Hope you might join us in one of these discussion areas. New members are always welcome.


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