Dreaded Mothers & Fathers Days
by Kara L.C. Jones + ideas from Nancy Grayson (MISS Idaho Chapter)

"Motherhood is an eternal place within your heart...a sacred place that belongs to you. Deep within the very essence of your existence, you are all mothers, whether you have living children or not-- you're still mothers-- beautiful and loving mothers. And while you may not be able to care for your child/children on earth, that sacred place of motherhood remains within you. Remember always that the love of a mother is stronger than any other force in the universe. The love of a mother transcends death."
~Joanne Caccitore, Founder of the MISS Foundation

The same goes for the dads who must endure Fathers Day next month, too! These dreaded "Hallmark Holidays" that happen each Spring can be so hard on bereaved parents. Those who have no other living children are likely to be forgotten all together. Those who have surviving or subsequently born, living children, will most likely be recognized for the part of their parenthood that is seen, thereby fracturing their experience of these "celebrations."

The best you can do on these days -- heck, on any day of the year -- is to be gentle with yourself. Know that it is okay to do something or do nothing. Know that you can change your mind half way through the day. Know that you can make this a "self-care" opportunity instead of a disasterous "must do" obligation.

When Julia Ward Howe wrote the first Mothers Day Manifesto, it was with the goal of gathering bereaved mothers whose sons had died in the Civil War to protest for peace. Hallmark did not start this holiday. They do not own it. They are only part of it. And Julia Ward Howe's part of it is much more in keeping with the true sense of parenthood, of how we carry our children's lives and deaths with us in everything we do.

If nothing else, please know that you aren't alone on the dreaded days. Many other bereaved parents are out here hangin' on, too. And Nancy Grayson was kind enough to give us the following list of ideas! Maybe one of these will spark for you, offer you an idea for how to do what is best for your on these difficult days:

What to do on Mother's day...Ideas from Nancy Grayson

  • Plan and do something for Mother's day - A special meal or activity
  • Buy yourself a Mother's day card 'from your MISSing child' and write a note, seal it and save it.
  • Plant flowers or a rose bush in your yard / garden,
  • Proudly wear  a corsage (Wal-Mart & Albertson's both have lovely orchids corsages) to church, dinner out or anywhere.    
  • Visit your child's grave site, or another calming place. 
  • Light a candle for you and your child.    
  • Mark this day with a keepsake; an uplifting book, jewelry, or a cozy blanket.  
  • Have a plan B to plan A - just in case it's too much this year. Anticipation of the 'day' seems to be harder than the actual day, allow for that possibility.
  • It's OK to sit out activities and just have a good cry.
  • Buy extra soft tissue and take good care.   

About the Authors
Kara is a freedom fighting guerrilla artist who has recently taken to henna as a solace and form of expression. Check out her new site at: HennaHealing.com

Nancy and Peter Grayson - Joel's Mom & Dad
MISS Foundation Idaho programs:
Mothers and Dads in Sympathy & Support
missfoundationidaho@msn.com 208.861.2407

Loss  | Vashon | Services | Art | Poetry | Store | Contact

© 1999 KotaPress All rights reserved.  ISSN 1534-1410 www.KotaPress.com
Please direct comments regarding this web site to webmaster@KotaPress.com