by
Katie D. Smith, Co-Editor
"Change
is an emotional issue,
not an intellectual one."
This
is a statement presented
in a current class by my
facilitator. I disagree. I
believe change equally
hits emotional and intellectual
aspects of decision making. When
someone is facing change
in his or her life, yes,
it will be emotional; however,
most people will also look
at the entire situation
to intellectually come
to a decision that will
help them with the change
regardless of emotions.
Let me share a particular
example to illustrate my
point:
There are events
in life that are inevitable
for change where we
have no control to prevent
them from happening such
as death. When I
lost my Son, I was faced
with numerous decisions. It
was a very emotional time
for me. I was struggling
with my grief, and I had
to make difficult yet level-headed
decisions on my own without
much help from others.
Planning
a funeral is not an easy
decision making process. You
have the funeral director
trying to make a sale and
profit from your loss,
while you are sitting there
trying to decide if cremation
or casket is the best option
for burial. I didn't
know many of my options
and I researched it with
little time to spare.
I
opted to have my Son cremated
to keep his ashes with
me until my own death. However,
I also wanted the opportunity
to say goodbye to my Son during
the funeral before
his cremation. The
funeral home wanted me
to purchase a casket for
the funeral services and
have him cremated in that. At
the time, they told me
that was my only option.
I disagreed and did some
research. It is not
mandatory to purchase a
casket for a funeral
and/or cremation for a
baby. A casket is
a rather costly item let
alone the expenses that
come with the loss of a baby.
I was on a limited budget
at the time; you can't
get life insurance on a
baby that was stillborn.
All the costs of this experience
were totally out of pocket
expenses.
Having
a funeral for my Son
seemed so unnatural....babies
shouldn't die, but they
do. It was difficult
enough to know I will have
to continue life without
Charles. I did not
want my final memories
of him being in a
casket. So, my
Pastor gave me an
antique wooden doll's cradle
donated by the church for
Charles to rest in
during the funeral. I
was able to create some
beautiful memories with
my Son by having a pleasant
atmosphere. We took
photos and I was able
to hold Charles. It
was very easy emotionally
and physically to take
him in and out of
a cradle rather then a
casket.
Facing the
loss of my first child
forced me into my life
being changed forever. I
have had to make many
more decisions since that
first week of my loss
regarding my journey with
bereavement. I make
these decisions based on
my love for Charles;
however, I also use
my intelligence, common
sense and critical thinking
to come to a reasonable
solution.
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