from
Katie Smith
For Charles
Christopher, Stillborn
11/6/1999
Dearest
Son,
On November
10, 1999, I was finally
able to embrace you in
my church's quaint and
private chapel. The past
few days leading up to
your baptism and funeral
service, I spent planning
to say good-bye until we
meet again in Heaven.
Your Grandma & I
went to Babies R Us Superstore
to purchase an adorable
pastel green gown set for
you to wear with farm animal
print that included little
lambs and cows on it. You
looked so cute in this
gown!
I also
visited the florist to
order a couple of flower
arrangements that came
with roses, carnations
and lilies. The flowers
were soft blue, pink, yellow & white
in color. I was worried
the florist was going to
deliver the flowers to
the wrong place, so I decided
to take them to the church
on my own. I wanted everything
to be perfect for you,
my precious son! These
flowers were my gift to
you.
I met with
Pastor Ann and the funeral
director to plan your services.
I didn't want to see you
in a casket, so Ann offered
to provide an antique wooden
baby doll cradle for you
to have. The director helped
me choose a soft pink cedar
urn that was designed more
like a jewelry box lined
with a soft felt like material
in mauve color. I couldn't
find anything in blue for
you. I picked the pinkish
mauve, because it's my
(your mommy's) favorite.
Pastor Ann also gave me
a loving gift that now
rests at your urn. It's
a cute little teddy bear
that wears the words, "My
First Bear." And it really
is your first bear that
you ever got! The day before
your services,
I visited
a shop to look for a special
poem to read to you at
your baptism, and a card
to give you that would
hold a love note from me.
I came across a book of
inspirational type poetry
and found a poem called, "When
One Door Closes...A Window
Opens." The title alone
speaks in volumes. This
special poem that now rests
in your scrapbook gave
me hope during a time when
I wanted to curl up and
die. I felt so alone during
this time. I felt so scared & lost.
I kept trying to sleep
off the nightmare just
to wake up to it the next
day.
Your baptism
and funeral was very private
with just your Grandma
and I there. We wanted
that day to be our special
time with you. As I walked
into the chapel and saw
your tiny body for the
first time lying in the
cradle, I became weak in
the knees and nearly fainted.
Reality hit me like a ton
of bricks! I think that
was when I first came to
the realization that you
were really gone. That
autumn day was cool, crisp
and very windy. Pastor
Ann began your baptism
with an old Irish blessing
to you. I held you close
in my arms as Pastor Ann
dipped a seashell in holy
water and poured it over
your head. I took a small
heart shaped cloth to wipe
away the excess water on
your head. I read that
poem and a letter that
I wrote to you. I told
you that I loved you, and
Pastor Ann continued your
funeral. After the services,
we left to the funeral
home down the street to
say our final good-byes
to you. Your Grandma and
I sat together in a private
room and held you and talked
to you for an hour or so.
We took some more photos
of you to forever cherish.
We kissed you, hugged you,
and embraced you with all
our love that day! We didn't
want these moments to end.
We didn't want you to be
gone.
Dear, Sweet,
Precious Charles, you had
an angelic face that could
charm anyone, the cutest
dimpled chin, flat feet
like mine, and long, skinny
fingers that could've played
the piano gracefully someday.
I also kept a lock of your
soft and silky brown hair.
Charles,
your beauty & charm
go beyond your photos.
Your spirit & soul
gives so much love, peace
and kindness to your Grandma
and Momma! You are our
precious angel! We will
miss you until we meet
again! Thank you for the
memories; however brief
they may have been in those
moments we held you!
All My
Love,
Mom
x o x
o . . .
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