Wallow
by Stephanie Marottek

Wallow wallow
in my grief
let me sit here
without relief.
Let me sob
let me cry
let me weep
let me die.
Let me wallow
let me be
you don't know
how it feels to be me.
My baby is dead
nothing can change it
so why can't I be sad for her
why can't you stand it?
If you lost one
you'd feel it too
but I pray to God
that you never do.
So let me wallow
in my grief.
Maybe someday
I'll find blessed relief.

Silently crying
by Stephanie Marottek

Silently crying
Silently greiving
Silently dying inside
Silently.......
This Silent grief
an aching inside
and crying silently
but trying to hide.....
No one can see
I have no scars
No visible wound
for my broken heart
You cannot see
inside of me
so you cannot know
the depths of my sorrow.
Meeting me
one wouldn't see
that I am not whole
that I am missing a piece of me
Silent grief
brought on by memories
and slight things
that remind me of her
Silent grief

Silence
by Stephanie Marottek

Silence
fills the house
nothing to listen to
except the pounding of my heart.
Thinking
of the way things might have been
and I start to fall apart.
Looking
out the window
at the grey and cloudless sky,
Sighing
as I wonder
why oh why did she have to die?
Silence
filled the room
as she arrived
death mocked me from the armchair.
Dread
overflows my heart
death has been here lately
and taken her and I wonder where.
Silence
is my sanctuary
in it I find peace,
and if I do not find
release....
at least it is quiet.

3rd Anniversary
by Stephanie Marottek

The 3rd anniversary of her silent birth.
I find myself looking for answers
and at a loss for words.
Sobs choke me
Tears assail me
I cannot breathe
I wonder where all the time has gone.
It feels so far away, yet so close.
I am just sick with grief, I miss her so!
Three years later
I still cry I still hurt
and I wonder if it will ever ease?
I see her in the eyes of a little brown haired girl,
I smell her on the newborn sleeping in his crib,
I feel her in my arms and then I realize again
that she is gone
Never to return.
Three years later.......

For Amanda Joy's 3rd Heavenly Birthday. March 2003

About the Author:
Stephanie is a prolific writer with a gift for expressing the full range of complexities that come upon bereaved parents after the death of a child. Her Amanda Joy is remembered everyday. (Thanks for your continued support and contributions to KotaPress, Steph!)