Tears of Pain
Compiled By: Katie D. Smith, Coeditor

~A beautiful collection from grieving hearts
from the online support haven, Kota Group~
In Loving Memory of All Our Children

When parents suffer the death of their children, it's an extremely heart wrenching experience that lasts a lifetime. Some days are better then others for bereaved parents (a.k.a. Weeping Willows) surviving and missing their precious children with every breathe they take.

I not only state this from knowing families that have suffered such a loss, but I know this from first hand experience.

I will forever grieve for my Son, Charles, and the life that could have been.

A fellow Weeping Willow, Martha, from our online support network, Kota Group, suggested a wonderful book that offers some perspective on grief for those hurting by Doug Manning, "Don't Take My Pain Away." This author has written an array of books about grief. He also writes bimonthly for Bereavement Magazine. It's available online at www.bereavementmag.com.

The following is an excerpt from Manning's classic book suggested above:

"A cut finger
Is numb before it bleeds.
It bleeds before it hurts.
It hurts until it begins to heal.
It forms a scab and itches until...

Finally the scab is gone and...

A small scar is left where
Once there was a wound.

Grief is the deepest wound
You have ever had.
Like a cut finger,
It goes through stages
And leaves a scar."

My friend and fellow Weeping Willow, Kara Jones, describes her grief in this very captivating analogy that rings true for many of us:

"I was thinking today that it is like a begrudging acceptance... I mean I sort of accept that this is it, but it is like there are all these little paper cuts that keep me bleeding...I'll never be Band-Aid free."

When Kara shared these thoughts at Kota Group about missing her son, Dakota, another member kindly offered the following poem that she wrote to express her pain of loss:

By Stephanie Marottek

The cut on my thumb
reminds me of her;
It's painful ache
worsens with movement.
I bandage up the cut
hoping to ease some of
the raw agony.
It helps for a bit, then
eases it's way back
when I try to move on.
She is like that cut.
I was happily walking along
when OUCH!
....The cut, her death.
And no matter how I try
to cover it or move on,
there are still times
when it pops open
and the horrible
feelings come again.
This cut is going to
take quite some time
to heal.

Grief effects everyone differently, and we all react to it in our own individual and special ways. Hawk Jones shared his thoughts regarding the loss of his Son, Dakota, as this:

"The feeling of my heart dropping to the floor every time I think about my son. Whenever I see a little one that's about the age Kota should be now, it hits me so hard that at times I find myself gasping for breath."

I'd like to encourage bereaved parents to express their views and thoughts on grief by sharing with KotaPress. We are here to support you throughout your grief process. If you have a book that has been particularly helpful to you or has offered insight into your bereavement, please let us know. We would love to know which resources have been of great assistance to your healing process.

I'd like to thank everyone from the Kota Group for allowing me to share their pain and sorrow with those that visit the Loss Journal at KotaPress. The love and support that each of you have given in our safe haven is like a huge bear hug that lovingly surrounds all of us!



About the Author
Katie is a Neo Fight Listener and a MISS Facilitator in the mid-west. All of her work is offered in honor of her son Charles Christopher who was born still on 11/6/99.

[Editor's note: We here at KotaPress would like to thank Katie for co-editing the Loss Journal with Kara!! Her help is more valuable than gold!!]

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