Q: Why are you posting so late?
by Kara L.C. Jones


Mostly it is just because I'm a slacker who would rather have Kevin Smith movie marathons than do the actual production and layout work of putting the KotaPress site togeher. But a lot of it also has to do with being overwhelmed lately.

The holidays were difficult as they have been for the past four years since my son died. This year proved to be harder and easier than ever. We have a grandson now. Hawk's daughter from his first marriage had her first child back in September. So we had a child for the holiday again. And we decorated and wrapped gifts and shopping was even okay. But then the end of Christmas Eve came, and they had to go back home for holidays with the other grandparents.

So we dropped them off and got back into our car to head back to our little island. And the car was dark. And silent. And horrid. And very much like it was the day we got in the car after hearing the doctor tell us, "Your baby is dead." We were very much alone.

It sucked.

Then, just as I was about to get the wind back in my sails for cruising thru the production of this issue, I got a call from a good friend. Another friend's baby had died at birth. We talked on the phone briefly and then exchanged emails. We've been talking about how the events and silence of this current experience shoots us straight back to the week after my son died. We talk about all the babies who are dying every hour of every day.

And I know that should give me all the more fervor to be here for everyone and provide support through our work. But I've had a couple of weeks where the support needs support!

So I've been emailing with our Kota Discussion Group. I've been reading and sharing with other MISS facilitators around the globe. I've been talking with friends and with my husband. And I've been watching Kevin Smith movies.

I'm still a little drained. It still really sucks to be here without my kid.

But I hope that our work here is helping in some small way.

And so we are back.

Hope 2003 arrived peacefully for all of you...


About the Author
Kevin Smith fan, Lord of the Rings freak, would rather escape to watch movies than work, your general variety of slacker, queen of purple hair, foolish curator, idiotic editor, and generally bored with everything lately. Oh yeah, and a grandma, but if anyone except the grandchild calls her granny, she'll turn Huntress on you! If you have questions or comments, send email to editor@kotapress.com

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