A Mother's Day Gift for My Angel in Heaven
by Katie D. Smith

The following writing is dedicated to
my son, Charles Christopher,
born still on November 6, 1999.

It's been almost three years, since I lost my precious baby boy. Mother's Day has been bittersweet for me, since Charles was born still. This year, I want to make Mother's Day more pleasant and happy.

St. Francis Hospital in Indianapolis has a newly remodeled Garden of Angels Memorial Rose Garden. It is being blessed and dedicated on Mother's Day to all babies that have gone to be angels. My friend Michie, who has been my wonderful listener from Neo Fight after my loss, is joining me the week before Mother's Day to plant roses in this beautiful garden for our sons. My flower for Charles is a soft pink tea rose bush that has three blossoming flowers on it. Michie's and my rose bushes are going to be planted beside each other. We both feel that our sons are friends in heaven, so we thought it would be great to have their roses together, too. I'm also donating a decorative garden stone that reads, "If tears could build a stairway and memories a lane, I'd walk right up to heaven and bring you home again!"

This special garden dedicated to our babies is so peaceful and serene. It's enclosed within a white picket fence, and there's a paved walking path that leads up to a quaint and welcoming gazebo with all the roses surrounding it in various areas of luscious green grass. There's pretty benches to sit on
by each section of roses. There is also an angel statue beside most of the areas with roses. It's like the welcome mat to Heaven's front doorstep! I'm sure Charles loves it! The scent of roses is so sweet!

Michie and I are taking our moms to the Mother's Day rose garden dedication on Sunday, May 12, 2002. The four of us plan to go out for lunch, too. I'm really looking forward to honoring and acknowledging myself as a Mom this Mother's Day.

It's hard for me to think of myself as a Mom, because my son never took a breath. I never got to take him home and watch him sleep soundly in his crib with no worries. There will never be those first steps, first words, or first days of school. I'll always grieve over what could have been. As each year passes, I miss out on something new that Charles would have discovered with that curious sparkle all children get in their young eyes. Like seeing a butterfly for the very first time!

I've been working on another gift for Charles this year. It's his memory album. I feel a big weight taken off my shoulders by making this beautiful gift of love for my son. I have put it off for months, because I just wasn't ready emotionally to start such a project. I was often angry at myself for putting it off, but I finally came to the realization that there is no time limit and no pressure to getting his memory album done. I just needed to start it when the time was right, and now the time is finally right.

I wish so much Charles Christopher could be alive and with me this Mother's Day, but at least I know I have him with me in spirit. My arms still ache to hold him snugly in my arms! I know in my heart, he's happy and doing well in Heaven. I know he loves me, and I love him!

Happy Mother's Day to all Moms that are missing their precious angels that can't be with us but only in spirit!

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