The death of a child, a stillbirth or the loss of a pregnancy is devastating.

By Kara L.C. Jones

Years ago, when a woman lost a child or pregnancy, she and her partner were encourage by all around them to go on, to have other children as soon as possible, and discouraged from talking about that child they lost.

Today things are different. When you lose a child, any grief therapist or support group will tell you that you can never replace the lost child by having another child. You would most likely be discouraged from naming your next child with the same name as the child who died. It is a different world than the one in which our grandparents lived.

But that doesn't make the death of a child any easier.

Here are some ideas (links follow below) for coping with grief and for remembering the child you have lost, while at the same time, also finding a way to continue living life:

1) Contact us here at KotaPress and request your free copy of Mrs. Duck and The Woman. Send an email request with your name, child's name, and snail mailing address to

2) Contact the folks at the national office of M.I.S.S. at and inquire about The Kindness Project. This a beautiful way to remember your child in an everyday way.

3) Investigate and celebrate the Mexican traditions for the holiday El Dia de los Muertos (Day of the Dead). It is a beautiful holiday celebrated at the time of Halloween. We make an alter every year at our church or at our readings and offer people the chance to add momentos from their loved ones while we honor their memory. Try taking a look at to learn more about this amazing holiday and celebration of our loved ones.

4) October is also Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month. In October of 1988, President Regan made it official. Try organizing a "teddy bear drive" for your local fire station in honor of your child during the month of October. Get or make yourself a blue & yellow ribbon to wear next to your pink Breast Cancer Awareness ribbon. When people ask what the blue & yellow ribbon is for-- Tell Them!

5) Organize a candle lighting ceremony for Children's Memorial Day on the second Sunday of December. At 7pm (PST) that night families around the world will light candles in memory of their children, too. Call your local grief support groups to find out if they are already hosting a ceremony that night. If not, offer to help them organize one for next year.

6) Surf the Net: The grieving and healing process is extremely different for each of us individually. The Loss Links (see side-bar menu off to your left) are offered in the hope that you will find whatever kind of support you need. I have found comfort, guidance, and help throughout my healing process in different ways from each of these sites. Please reach out for the help you need--you are not alone. If you ask for the support you need, you will find help. I promise.


Author Biography
Kara L.C. Jones is a founder of KotaPress and a grieving mother who lost her first born son on March 11, 1999 at 4:47 p.m. She works toward healing by doing her own writing and offering poetry therapy consults to other bereaved parents. If you wish to contact her, please send email to

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