One day in conversation, a good friend of mine confessed that many of
her ideas about religion came from watching Star Trek. This made me tune
in to that program, but with "new eyes". I've likened my life
to being a little like The Twilight Zone on occasion, and compared my
grief to living on Gilligan's Island. The truth is, it's much like Star
Trek. Most of us bereaved parents feel like we are now inhabitants of
another planet... bravely going where no man has gone before.
At a recent grief conference, I understood what it is like to be Counselor
Troi. I walked into a large group of parents - and I could literally feel
the pain in the room. My empath skills have become quite keen...
I envy Major Kira's faith in a supreme being. She seems so positive that
there is something more to our lives, yet she wrestles with moral dilemmas
and choices she's made.
And Jordy's vision. He views the universe differently, and has no need
to change it. Given the option, would I? Of course, if with that vision
came the return of my child. Until then, I am grateful for my clear view
of our world.
Data, the android lacking the basic human emotions. He longs to become
human, and I want only to warn him of the pain involved. Immense joy is
followed by unbelievable pain - and at many points in my grief I longed
to not feel anything.
I now know the motivation behind Odo's search for one of his own kind.
As a shapeshifter that must revert to liquid form, we have much in common.
I know his quest to search out one of my 'own', I know the urgency to
which he returns to his pail every few hours to become liquid. My tears
have the same effect.
Guinan is an El Aurian, a member of an ancient race who are reputed to
be great listeners. Her kind is what I search for in my grief. I also
see that I possess some of her traits, as I listen patiently to new parents.
I wonder, if like the El Aurians, I will also be destined to live an incredibly
The Borg are a bit like polite society, as I watch them through the window
of my grief. They seem to go about their business, mindlessly, oblivious
to me and my pain. They brush by me in the supermarket and only speak
when-spoken-to in social situations. Was I once also part of the collective?
Worf, and the Klingon mentality, well, there's my son. Fight now, ask
questions later. Brave in battle, loyal and true. Each time they announce
"Today, is a GOOD day to die", I can't help but think of Ross.
And, oh, how I envy Jean Luc. Captain The Card, as Ross called him, has
all the answers and can relay them in a single sentence. I wish I had
his verbal abilities, his amazing thought process. I have, however, developed
this fearless nature, his thirst for knowledge, and his acceptance of
others. I have also taken one of his quotes and made it the backdrop for
my life: "Sometimes you have to laugh at the absurd"
Copyright July 9th, 2000
Brighter Path Publishing