Additions to the KotaPress Dictionary of Loss

By Tiara Lynne
Lexicographer, Kara L.C. Jones

Lexicographer Note: These amazing additions to the Dictionary of Loss will be added to the main body of the Dictionary for our next issue. If you'd like to read more of the Dictionary, please click here.

Black Hole n. 1. a dark murky place where the reason for losing your child has disappeared. 2. the evil darkness that occasionally swallows you whole, especially when contemplating what really did happen to your baby.

Blame factor n. 1. the need to find someone and punish him or her for taking your baby away from you. This is often pointed at one's self. For example "If I had done ABC instead of XYZ, then my baby would still be alive." Blame factors are especially common in miscarriage and pregnancy losses where doctors cannot tell you why you lost your baby, just that 'it happens.'

Shock moment n. 1. the time usually a second when you discover a truth about something. Often your jaw will drop and your eyes will get wide. You may even feel numbness take over your body. 2. the second that you realize that your baby is dead. This realization may only last for a few minutes and then escape back into the recesses of your brain. 3. the moment that you realize that your companion has been feeling many of the same feelings that you have, exactly as you have felt them, but never let you know because they wanted to 'be strong' for you. ("He told me that he had been
blaming himself for our son's death and I was immediately enveloped in a shock moment.")


These contributions are offered in memory of Colin Michael lost to miscarriage 08/17/00
See Tiara's site for more from her

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