Holidays, once again...
In this month's issue of the KotaPress Loss Journal, there is a poem by Jojo Jensen where she questions what the phrase "back to normal" really means. It is not a long and complicated piece. But it is powerful. The poem puts forth the idea that there is no "normal" after September 11th. And as bereaved parents know all too well, there is also no "normal" after the death of a child. You are forever without. Period.
Yes, you may have a wonderful family and beautiful surviving children. Yes, you may have a good job and do art that you love. Yes, you may have moved through a lot of the intense grief work that came right after the death of your child. But let's face it, the bottom line to the rest of our lives is that we are without our children. We cannot replace them. It would be foolish to try. And so each new day as we discover something else that touches this grief, we learn new coping skills for how to live the rest of our lives without our child. We learn how to work around the loss, create legacies in place of the lives that we were suppose to share with our children.
And each year the holidays come bringing with them all the complications of family and expectations of "good times" and all the crazy hurt that seems to come up around this time. I imagine that the holidays in NYC will be very different this year. They may still decorate and light up that enormous tree, but this year each light and candle will be lit in memory of all the people we lost on September 11th. We will never forget those people. That city is fundamentally changed, even for the holidays. And in the same way, bereaved parents never forget their children. They might hang stockings as they always did, but this year there will be a tiny one filled with handwritten notes of love and grief and healing as family members capture their memories of the deceased in writing. The family is fundamentally changed, even for the holidays.
We hope that this issue of the KotaPress Loss Journal offers some bit of help as you struggle and healing and learn new coping skills for getting thru this, another day and another holiday season without your child or loved one.
Miracles to you!
This page is dedicated to Dakota