Be strong for your wife
By Falcao Borgen

You need to be strong for your wife.
What have you decided to do with the remains?
Well, talk it over with your wife, but be gentle, we don't want to upset her.
Here fill out these forms and here is the number for the funeral home. You'll need to make arrangements with them alone.
Here is a collection of lovely urns to choose from, and how is your wife doing. We feel so deeply for her.

Oh, your wife lost the baby?
I am so sorry for her!
Can you give me her email address so I can send her my condolences?
We have a women's group for mothers who have lost their babies. Be sure to let her know she's always welcome.

We want your wife to teach a grief seminar at our Grief & Support Conference for Mothers.

We are going to interview your wife for NPR about the death of your son, but you can wait here in the lobby till we are done.

Oh you're just the dad
Oh you're just a man
Don't you know your your place?
Go to the back of the bus boy, you don't belong here

I am a dad
I am a man
I am alone
I am hurting
I am broken
I miss my son
Why will you not grant me the right
to give voice to my grief?
I bleed on the inside
I am a human being,

Everytime you deny my grief
another piece of my heart joins my son in death.



Author Biography
Falcao is sick of dealing with the fact that men are so often left out of the bereavement process that happens after the death of a child. All of the things above in this poem have actually occured, and it doesn't help to make special "Dad's" groups-- separate but equal was not good enough for the race movement and it isn't good enough for the grief and healing world either! Falcao feels strongly that Jim Crow has simply been renamed Jan Crow because men are still denied equal access to support for the bereavement process.

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